Well, now that Luke Simmons included some of the Ella Files in his recent sermon (June 1), Ella has achieved near rock-star status! You’ll be glad to know that she’s not letting it get to her head (though she is considering starting a woman’s group, writing a book, and touring nationally as a speaker).
It’s time for the the latest installment, so here is Volume III.
The discipler is in.
Principle 3: There is an appropriate way to respond to discipline.
Ella is a pup. She is almost full-grown on the outside, but has plenty of room to mature in her actions. There are many, many lessons she hasn’t learned yet…some, like getting the morning paper, or catching the frisbee in mid-flight, are still to be introduced. At this point, we’re still working on the basics. Sit. Don’t pee inside. Don’t go up the stairs. Don’t eat the cat.
Now, we think that Ella is a smart dog. I suppose all parents think their kids are a little brighter than the rest, but in this case, we think it’s not just subjective. Ella has learned a lot, fairly quickly. But, as with any novice on a steep learning curve, Ella blows it regularly.
Therefore, the constant refrain that echoes through the house is, “Ella! No!!!” At times I feel sorry for her, and wonder how I would feel if I constantly heard, “Bill! No!!!” I’m pretty sure such treatment would make me bitter, frustrated, and wholeheartedly wanting to get away from those legalistic people who are trying to put me in my place.
But, Ella (once again) seems to handle being disciplined with a certain panache that is modelable. Here’s what I mean.
1. Ella prefers discipline to non-involvement. When I am confronted about my wrongdoings, I can’t say that I like it. I usually know that I’m sinning, and would rather be left to myself in that knowledge. When confronted, it means that a) someone else knows about it, b) someone may have been hurt by it, and c) there are those with a hopeful expectation that I won’t do it again. Vulnerability, pain, embarrassment, and expectations…who needs ‘em? In short, my flesh prefers no contact to a reproof.
Not so with Ella. If I’m raising my voice with her, at least I’m engaged! I admit, she sometimes doesn’t know exactly what I’m trying to communicate…like this old Far Side comics points out.
Still, even when she figures out that I’m upset with her, she adopts that strange mix of ears-down-tail-between-the-legs, and wagging-tail-quiver-all-over-expectant-eyes. Even if there is a swat on her horizon, she knows that a follow-up scratch is likely coming right behind. She seems to get the idea of this verse: “It’s the child He loves that He disciplines; the child He embraces, He also corrects” (Heb. 12:6). Or, “He’s mad at me…he must really love me!”
2. Ella never carries a grudge after the disciplinary action. When I’m confronted, a have a myriad of negative emotions to weed through. “How dare you point our my faults!” “Oh, yah? Well, you’re not so hot either.” “I’m going to be so good from now on that you’ll feel sorry for saying that!” Like Ralphie in the movie “The Christmas Story,” who secretly hopes he’ll go blind from soap poisoning so his parents will be miserably sorry for their corrections, we can often carry a lingering need for retribution when disciplined.
Ella, on the other hand, I don’t get. I can get so frustrated, yell at her, and whack her backside. Then, if I say, “C’mere, Ella!”, she’s all exuberance, ready to love and play again. Sometimes I feel like I should remind her: “Uh…Ella? Not sure if you remember, but I’m the guy who just blew up at you, and spanked you.” No need…that’s in the past. She might carry some lingering fear, but there is no love loss between us. If anything, I’m the one who feels guilt for having been so vehement in my correction…but her conscience is clear!
3. Ella is genuinely sorry for the wrong that she has done. When it comes right down to it, are we sorry for our sin, or are we sorry that we get caught? Are we sorry that God has been hurt, or that we’ve lost face? Do we own up to our wrongdoing quickly and comprehensively, or do we try desperately to justify ourselves to slip out from under the accusations? Only sometimes am I sorry…and only some of those times am I sorry for the right reasons. It’s almost as though I live to satisfy my sin nature as much as possible, but stay within the legalistic bounds enough to not be convicted.
Ella is really, really sorry when she’s in trouble. She usually knows why she’s in trouble, especially when I rub her nose in it. But, she’s just not bright enough to understand the intrinsic evil in what she has done. Instead, she seems to be sorry almost exclusively because of the broken relationship between her and me. She hates this more than anything. It’s almost as though she lives for nothing but our friendship.
Can you imagine what our fellowship would be like if we adopted Ella’s approach to reproof? If we embraced it as part of the richness of being family together? If we consider faithful the wounds of a friend (Prov. 27:6), and didn’t let a rebuke distance ourselves from others? If we were emotionally driven to be at peace with the Lord and one another, and genuinely grieved when we realized our actions were creating distance between ourselves and those we love?
“Have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children? ‘My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects.’ God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.” (Heb. 12:5-11, The Message).
Thanks again, Ella. And thanks to all of you readers out there! You are welcome to leave your comments below.
God’s best to you, Bill
